I spent a few days alone at my parents beautiful farm before my friends all came along
to join me and celebrate life.
The few days I had to myself were just what I needed.
I find that after a while i need to get away somewhere quiet, no sound, no people, somewhere beautiful and crisp
and serene.
And Narrabinda offers all of the above.
I arrived on Wednesday lunchtime, and remember driving up to the first gate and not seeing a car drive past, not hearing anything but the slight baa from a sheep or the faint moo of a cow in a paddock across the way.
i smiled.
i was so ready to let my mind wander, and think over things.
I drove down the long windy drive and parked up under the tree.
My mum had given me a list of things to do once i got there.
( turn on the water tanks, turn on the gas, and most importantly turn on the power )
but first things first ...
I had my two babies to greet and spoil before i did any of that,
as i walked into their paddock Jett and Georgie gave me a welcome whinny .
there is something about the smell of horses that is so soothing to me
I got lots of cuddles and also got a cheeky bite from Jett who was expecting some sort of horsie treat.
patience little man patience.
So I unpacked. Settled in. Turned up the tunes really loud. And got straight into farm duties.
HORSES FED.
COWS FED.
WOOD COLLECTED.
FIRE STARTED.
WINE FRIDGED.
CHEESES FRIDGED.
After all the chores were complete it was time to relax with a wine and take in the beauty.
Although the afternoon was slightly overcast, i still managed to walk up through my mums garden and take a seat on the hill and prepare for the amazing sunset that was too be.
From way up there on the hill you can see the long stretch of road , i think i was sat there for 30 mins before a lone car past by.
this is why i love the country
Not having to entertain people, cook for people, and just be with people gave me a lot of time to think about things that are happening in my life at the moment.
The first thing that i needed to get off my mind was my mums battle.
Having no one around gave me the chance to cry without feeling like a sook or having someone tell me its going to be alright.
i really needed that cry
Sometimes crying is the best way to build up strength. After i let all my built up tears out i felt stronger and i felt like i could be the supportive daughter i really needed to be.
I havent cried about my mums battle since the day I found out about it, Im always trying to be the strong one ( apart from my amazing dad) holding the ropes and keeping it all cool, calm and collected.
So these tears were a build up of about 6 months. So as you imagine there were plenty.
After my cry. I smiled. Took a massive deep breath in. And again looked around at the magical place i was at.
The sun set, and the colours were magic.
Its amazing how certain colours can change your emotions.
Its like certain songs can change your emotions.
The sunset I experienced made me feel happy, warm and in love.
.
I live with an amazing girl who has the most amazing soul in the world.
The night before i left to go to the farm, she showed me her journal, she didn't read it to me, she just told me that when her head is all busy , she writes, it keeps her sane.
I took her words on board, and wrote
and wrote
and wrote
and wrote
I wrote my feelings to my mum, i wrote what makes me laugh, what makes me cry, what angers me...
my hand cramped up
the words were just flowing and my pen wouldn't work faster..
I dont think i would/ could ever give the letter to my mum
perhaps one day i will
but for the moment I like to think my emotions are out there , floating around
and one day they will reach my mum
when i have the courage to give it too her,
and when she has the strength to take it all in.
I also thought about the beautiful sunset I experienced and how the colours made me feel and I began drawing and doodling my mum a picture, using colours that make me feel happy, warm and in love..
if it can make me feel all these emotions, I'd hope I could pass it on to my best friend.
x
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