to the bravest lady i know......

i don't think i have ever met someone as brave as my mum

every day she continues to blow me away with her strength 

.

today was hard

.

i went to visit her and she wanted to tell me so many things

but she just couldn't

the words just wouldn't come out

i can read my mum

like most daughters can

i watch her eyes

they tell a million stories

.

i just sat with her today

i rubbed her back

i held her hand

i told her what i had planned

i told her stories

i told her what all my best friends were up too 

she smiled

and listened

i took a beautiful photo of me and my brother up and pinned it on her board

she smiled and whispered

'beautiful'

i wanted so bad to climb into bed with her

i just want to spend every second curled up next to her

.

my visits are becoming shorter and shorter as she is wearing out rather quick these days

and usually falls asleep mid conversation

mouth open and all 

bless her heart

i love kissing her shiny hair free head

i love her smell

i love her kind eyes

i love her so much

.

i know its another sad blog

but today i'm really feeling it

i have to feel it

in order to brave it

x

sad eyes

song for the day

Hats and Paint

one of those days.

woke up

kicked my toe

gnarly toothache

still got the toothache

.

the better part of the day....

:

saw my beautiful best friend

she came and visited my mum with me

got too have one on one time with my mum

she made me cry

bought a beautiful necklace

got given a beautiful album which is opening my soul

.

sometimes i fee like a lot of my posts are sad posts.

this is another one....

i just feel like i can write anything on here.....

its nice that its out in the open.... off my chest.....

i'm the kind of person who bottles it up and when asked if I'm okay will always say YES when really its a NO.

During my one on one time with my mum today 

i helped her bathe and clean in the bathrooms at the hospital

we chatted

we laughed

she opened up too me...

she said something to me that stopped me in my tracks,

something i have been thinking a lot about...

something i would never here my brave mum say...

.

she held my hand

she looked me in the eye

and said..

' Sarah, I did a lot of thinking last night .

I thought of the amazing moments and the horrible

she then squeezed my hand

and said

I'm scared

I've not really thought about death, but I'm scared '

She looked me straight in the eye and said

' Will you look after everyone?'

Trying hard not to show my weakness I hugged her so tight.

I HAD NO WORDS

what do you say to someone who has fort so hard, who has shown the true strength of a human being, who continues to battle with a smile on their face, when they say something like that?

.

i'm now smiling, smiling with confusion, but i'm happy

i'm happy i had that moment

i'm happy my mum could be honest

i'm happy my mum showed her weakness

i'm happy she trusts in me so much to open up and tell me she is scared

i'm scared too

in every fighter 

there is emotion

it takes someone brave

to express that emotion

it helps build strength

to keep on fighting

.

x

swollen eyes

i hate crying

i hate the lead up 

the heavy pulling behind your eyes

the blurred vision as tears full your socket

i hate the aftermath

the swollen eyes

the blocked nose

the tension headache

.

i thought i was stronger then this

i didn't think i had anymore tears to cry

but i do 

so many

.

just really missing the one shoulder that used to hold my swollen eyes

.

x

A Trip to the Zoo

my housemate is a nanny for two of the most beautiful little girls ever

when i knew i had a day off coming up i thought lets head to the zoo

personally i wanted to go for myself

but for children its so magical and beautiful

we ventured off , double pram and all

packed up the lunch boxes in the bottom 

rugged up and set off down the pebble track.

Something about animals brings tears to my eyes

I don't know if its the innocence of them in captivity

I don't know whether its the love the keepers have for them

i just don't know

When your feeling down

I honestly recommend a trip to the zoo

You can walk for hours

Watching beautiful creatures, do beautiful things

all in all it was a perfect day 

and the girls and the both of us had a ball

we laughed, smiled, and acted silly all day

oh to be a child again ......

Still in Bloom

we had a magical Mother's Day just gone....

both my beautiful brothers and their partners came along

and not to mention the beautiful grandchildren ( my beautiful nephew and nieces )

We had a great big aussie brekky and just pampered the hell out of her

cause she deserves it

i just love having my beautiful family all together under one roof..

although there are always disagreements over silly things

we have fun

we talk about cool things

we smile

I LOVE MY FAMILY MORE THAN ANYTHING

( that includes the beautiful wives and girlfriends )

we each bought mum a beautiful potted flower, they last forever and smell amazing

love Mathew and Phoebe

love Poppy May

love Father x

a photo a day #4

more of an image

but one i hold very close to my heart 

x

Beautiful Souls

We start a life 

We meet amazing people

 and as we grow older we make more

.

Sometimes you lose friends 

.

Sometimes you just grow apart

.

Its moments in life , when your down and out

Regardless of how long its been since you last talked

That the people who walked you through life holding your hand

Made you giggle

Shared their single bed with you 

People you told your secrets too

The people who helped you understand the meanings of true friendships

Come to you.

Embrace you.

Tell you everything is going to be okay.

Listen to you.

Let you swear.

Let you cry your makeup all over there beautiful dresses.

.

Its moments like these that remind you

no matter how far away

no matter how long its been

no matter what 

.they are there for you.

I recently was reconnected with my best friend from primary school and high school

she was always the sister i never had

her parents were the parents that if anything happened would take me under their wing

sadly as we got older , we grew apart

not for any reason

just doing things with our lives

walking different paths

making new friends

through all my sad expressive online moments 

she has spoken words to me

words a true friend would speak

she is a beautiful soul

one that will never leave my side again

.

she knows my family so well

she knows the nicknames we all have

she knows that my mum

is my 

Mumma Bear

.

She is a beautiful jewellery designer working in a beautiful place , doing beautiful things

the website

.

a beautiful envelope, marked :

" Sar Bear "

was left in my letterbox, i was so excited

i opened it, inside was a purple silk pouch

i opened it, inside was a beautiful piece of jewellery

at first i thought it was ' The Tree of Life '

on closer observation, i saw it was

a Mumma Bear and a Baby Bear holding hands

.

i cried

and cried

not sad tears

thankful tears

.

YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL SOUL

x

and i thank you 

i am still to find a piece of leather to attached but for the time been i thought it beautiful resting beside a beautiful stone that my mum found me in an opshop

mum is awesome with opshopping. always finding the most amazing stuff

a photo a day #3

day #1.

today i begin a change.

today i start a new page.

.

today i woke up and made myself the standard ' Morning Pancake ' that this diet consists of.

( more on that later )

LUNCH MENU :

2 boiled eggs

1 can of tuna

2 tbsp cottage cheese

SNACKS:

1 forme yoghurt

1 can of diet lemonade.

See you at the end ...

the wonderful world of tea

at the organic markets the other day , i stumbled across a beautiful lady selling beautiful tea's.

me and the girls chatted to her for hours about different tea's and the benefits of drinking tea...

she was so wise...

she was so peaceful..

she didn't drink coffee.. ( i could tell )

.

i couldn't help but make some purchases... 

of the few i got

this one is amazing...

its so calming to drink, and i rest so easy 

and while you wait for it to brew the smell of lavender fills the air...

.

makes me think of my mummy

i cannot wait to go back and try more of her amazing tea's..

she even has the tea alternate to coffee...

.

as much as i would want to...

i just can't give up my daily coffee......

keeps me sane

a photo a day #2

Love & Marriage

lastnight was a night to celebrate LOVE

LOVE is my most favourite emotion.

to LOVE someone is a beautiful thing

but, to be LOVED is even better.

i LOVE love.

Lastnight we celebrated the LOVE of Kristy and Josh and HOO RAA'd them into the world of marriage.

Plenty of drinks we sipped,

Plenty of amazing food was eaten,

many of memories and thoughts were shared.

from me too you ...

congratulations, i am so excited to watch you both grow and love in the future 

x

Sunday : Organic Markets

we had a glorious day today... (minus the hangovers)

so we thought why not jump in the car and head up to the Frenchs Forest Organic Food Markets

it was a beautiful morning

we sampled, we bought , we sampled some more....

.

we then decided with all our yummy bits and pieces and of course the beautiful homemade pumpkin bread that we should picnic...

and sample some more....

happy sunday