one of those days.

woke up

kicked my toe

gnarly toothache

still got the toothache

.

the better part of the day....

:

saw my beautiful best friend

she came and visited my mum with me

got too have one on one time with my mum

she made me cry

bought a beautiful necklace

got given a beautiful album which is opening my soul

.

sometimes i fee like a lot of my posts are sad posts.

this is another one....

i just feel like i can write anything on here.....

its nice that its out in the open.... off my chest.....

i'm the kind of person who bottles it up and when asked if I'm okay will always say YES when really its a NO.

During my one on one time with my mum today 

i helped her bathe and clean in the bathrooms at the hospital

we chatted

we laughed

she opened up too me...

she said something to me that stopped me in my tracks,

something i have been thinking a lot about...

something i would never here my brave mum say...

.

she held my hand

she looked me in the eye

and said..

' Sarah, I did a lot of thinking last night .

I thought of the amazing moments and the horrible

she then squeezed my hand

and said

I'm scared

I've not really thought about death, but I'm scared '

She looked me straight in the eye and said

' Will you look after everyone?'

Trying hard not to show my weakness I hugged her so tight.

I HAD NO WORDS

what do you say to someone who has fort so hard, who has shown the true strength of a human being, who continues to battle with a smile on their face, when they say something like that?

.

i'm now smiling, smiling with confusion, but i'm happy

i'm happy i had that moment

i'm happy my mum could be honest

i'm happy my mum showed her weakness

i'm happy she trusts in me so much to open up and tell me she is scared

i'm scared too

in every fighter 

there is emotion

it takes someone brave

to express that emotion

it helps build strength

to keep on fighting

.

x